“Double morphine on the rocks, please.”

We celebrated Peter’s life Sunday. The service was recorded and is available at https://gablesucc.org/live/. It actually begins 45 minutes in to the recording. The bulletin is also available at this link.

Peter Stanley Knezevich died at home, surrounded by his family, in Pinecrest, Florida on July 31, 2018, due to brain cancer. Peter was born June 15, 1956, in Ann Arbor, Michigan. He was a graduate of Palmetto Elementary School, Palmetto Middle School, and Palmetto Senior High School and spent the last fifteen years of his life living in the beautiful house on Lake Catherine that his parents purchased in the 1960s, less than a mile from the schools he attended as a child. He earned an undergraduate degree from The University of Pennsylvania, where he played football, a Juris Doctorate from Cooley Law School, and a Master of Laws from Cambridge University.

Peter loved this church with his heart and soul. He was a devoted member for over twenty years, serving for many years on the Board of Christian Education, teaching Sunday School, and the UCC’s comprehensive sex education program, Our Whole Lives. He participated regularly in Adult Education classes and was so eager to learn that he took several classes at Eden Theological Seminary and even considered pursuing a divinity degree. When Peter liked something he read, he recommended it to everyone he knew, and sometimes purchased multiple copies to give away. If he were here today, he would urge you to read some of his favorite progressive theologians, including Marcus Borg, Bishop Shelby Spong, John Dominick Crossan, and Richard Rohr. He felt strongly that the church should be inclusive and diverse and “walk the talk” of social justice. His legacy to the church is the statute of Jesus by the front door of the sanctuary, a visual representation of Matthew 25, the Bible verse that reminds us that when we serve the poor, we are serving Jesus.

Peter held a law degree and was a licensed attorney, but he preferred to envision, create, and chase opportunities as an entrepreneur. He helped to found several successful companies and introduced countless people who shared his energy and vision. He loved the freedom of working from home and the opportunity for many trips to Asia and South America. He particularly loved Hong Kong and Brazil.

Soon after his diagnosis in 2016, when was asked about his bucket list, he said he did not have one. He said that he just wanted to keep on doing the same simple things he had always enjoyed. He wanted to be at every one of Eli’s soccer games and take Macy out for breakfast and walk his dogs every day. He wanted to attend every University of Miami football game with his guys. He loved being outdoors. He loved sailing and staring at open water, including the beach at Crandon Park, Great Pond in Maine, the Florida Keys, and in particular, the beautiful lake behind our home, where he could sit for hours regardless of the heat or humidity. He was never happier than when he was with friends at our beach cabana or at a UM tailgate. He was a lover of street food, chicken wings, bourbon, and bacon and he made a remarkably good meatloaf. He learned just a few weeks ago — after sixty years in Florida — that he loved mangoes. He avidly followed world news and was particularly fond of National Public Radio and The Economist. He loved jazz, especially Miles Davis.

After being diagnosed with brain cancer, Peter was told he could expect to live 12-15 months. Stubborn to the end, he stuck around for 30 months, almost to the day. His family and friends already miss him immensely. He is survived by Christi Hayes, the wife he spontaneously married in Nairobi thirty years ago, and his children Macy and Eli, whom he loved unconditionally with every ounce of his being. His absence will be particularly felt by his mother, Kathryn Knezevich, his sister and brother-in-law, Karen and Brian Kaehler, and brother-in-law John Hayes, who lovingly cared for Peter during his long illness. The family is grateful for all the friends who were instrumental in keeping Peter with us so long, especially Michelle Kightley and David Salinas. Peter was worshipped by three black dogs, Shaggy, Bono, and Phoebe, who are completely bewildered by his absence.

In lieu of flowers, the family invites you to honor Peter through the Peter Knezevich Fund of Coral Gables Congregational Church UCC. This fund will be used to honor Peter’s commitment to “walk the talk” in faith. Peter believe that the church should be inclusive, thoughtfully progressive, a witness to justice, and engaged in the community and wider world. This fund will provide opportunities for spiritual nurture, a wider welcome to all seeking a place of transformative faith, and to continue Peter’s practice of sharing with those in need. Checks can be made to Coral Gables UCC or you can give online at http://gablesucc.org/pkf.

Peter had a rough morning. He is not in any pain but has developed a chest infection and has to be suctioned frequently for him to breathe easily.  That makes him uncomfortable and agitated, despite lots of morphine and other drugs.

I took these pictures of the dogs this morning.  Few things are sadder than three sad dogs.  Actually, that’s not true. Watching my kids watching their dad go through this is the saddest thing I know.  Knowing his mom and sister are in Colorado feeling heartbroken and waiting for a phone call is sad.

Don’t interpret the humor in these posts as levity.  It’s my coping mechanism.  We are all so incredibly sad.

It has been two weeks since Peter’s first seizure. It has been almost a week since he communicated with us.  He has not had food or water since Thursday. It feels as if he is already gone but his body doesn’t know it is supposed to stop. His vital signs are better than mine.

If you are a person who prays, please pray for him to be at peace. If you are not, please squeeze your eyes shut and fervently wish that he lets go soon.

 

 

 

 

 

Peter loves to sail.

He grew up in Miami spending as much time as possible on the water and even sailed a Priam on the little lake behind this house.  (He claims to have water-skied all the way back from Elliot Key as a teenager, but — assuming the story is true — I am pretty sure that must have been a power boat rather than a sail boat).  In the 1990’s he and I spent many days “bombing around the Bay” (as he called it) on his Pacific Seacraft Flicka. We kept “Ilsa” at Dinner Key Marina until she was lost to a hurricane around 2004 (Katrina? Wilma?)

In the spring of 2005, we spent a memorable week aboard a bareboat charter in the British Virgin Islands with Sean and Julia and Jackie and Joe. Peter took pride in the fact that he did not bathe or shower during the entire week. Looking back, that’s probably why the six of us never vacationed together again.

Eli often wears a hand-me-down T-shirt from the Soggy Dollar Bar, so named because you have to anchor out, swim in, and buy your drinks with wet money.

 

 

 

Peter sent me off on a solo vacation to the BVI in 1992 with an outfit called Womanship, where women teach other women to sail. It’s motto is “Nobody Yells.” Our wonderful German friend Ute also tried to teach me to sail.  She didn’t yell either.

 

One of Peter’s favorite adventures was helping to bring Ute’s beloved sailboat “Gone with the Wind” back to Miami from the Bahamas just before Ute passed away in 2009.  Sean, Peter, Frank and Joe found themselves in a serious storm crossing the Gulf Stream, one that has been fodder for tall tales ever since.

Sean bought her from Ute’s daughters and re-christened her “Fiji”. People say it is bad luck to change a boat’s name, but that boat has continued to bring joy to many people, including Peter.  It helps that some of Ute’s ashes remain aboard.

We sailed out of Biscayne Bay Yacht Club many times aboard Monk and Kitty’s “Kit and Kaboodle.”  If we had been able to bottle the laughter and good times we had aboard that boat, we’d have enough to last a lifetime.  Monk and Kitty are Macy and Eli’s godparents.

Last summer we spent a memorable evening aboard the Surprise, a one-hundred year-old schooner that sails out of Camden, Maine. The owner/captain allowed Peter to take the helm and I am not sure I have ever seen him smile so big. Peter was fascinated by the boat’s history and restoration and our beautiful sail around Penobscot Bay with John and Diane.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once it became impossible for Peter to board a sailboat, but Gordon and Bridget insisted on getting Peter on the water as much as possible on a yacht where Peter was strapped into the fighting chair (normally used for deep sea fishing). We toured the mansions of Miami Beach many times, to the delight of Michelle and Christen and Charlie and Michelle and Darren, friends who visited from out of town and got to accompany Peter on some memorable sunset cruises.

I don’t quite understand his logic, but Peter got Macy to agree that she would not get any more tattoos for five years if the two of them got one together.  I snapped this photo of his tattoo this morning while his capable and loving British nurse Michelle was giving him a sponge bath. It will be bittersweet to look at Macy’s sailboat long after his is gone.

Origin of: “Fair Winds and Following Seas.”

The origin of the quote “Fair Winds and Following Seas” is unknown. It is often said to have been lifted from a poem, phrase, or literary work, but to the best of this researcher’s knowledge, it wasn’t. Over the last century at least, the two quotes “Fair Winds” and “Following Seas” have evolved, by usage, into a single phrase which is often used as a nautical blessing.

“Fair Winds”: The Dictionary of American Regional English defines “Fair Wind” as “safe journey; good fortune.” An early example of the phrase’s use is in Herman Melville’s Moby Dick, published in 1851, where it says near the end “Let me square the yards, while we may, old man, and make a fair wind of it homeward.” In other words, let me square the yards (add on all sail) and make a safe journey home.

“Following Seas”: Defined by Bowditch’s American Practical Navigator as “A sea in which the waves move in the general direction of the heading.” It further defines “Tide” as “the periodic rise and fall of the water resulting from gravitational interactions between the sun, moon, and earth. . . . the accompanying horizontal movement of the water is part of the same phenomenon.” In simple terms: the movement of the water, the waves, and the surface, correspond with the movement of the tide.

“Fair Winds and Following Seas” is really two quotes originating from different sources. The two quotes are a nautical phrase of good luck–a blessing as it were–as the person, group, or thing it is said to departs on a voyage in life. It is often used at a “beginning” ceremony such as a commissioning ceremony of a ship or people, as well as in retirement, change of command, or farewell ceremonies.

 

 

I’ve had a lot of time sitting here with Peter doing very little. So I googled death and fear. I found lots of quotes. Mainly from Steven Seagal and Tupac Shakur.  Not helpful.

We’ve been taking a lot about death at church lately. This is largely due to Peter’s reflections about it as a progressive Christian and his willingness to share his unique perspective with others. Pastor Laurie gave a sermon inspired by the passage below a few weeks ago.   You can watch the service at the link below.

“You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen.”

Aaron Freeman

 

 

 

Today we sit with Peter in his childhood bedroom and count our blessings. Among them is that when Peter’s parents were looking for a home in this neighborhood in the 1960’s, his mother Kathryn saw the beauty of this lake and chose this particular house. We sometimes tend to overuse adjectives and superlatives. But I am amazed – truly amazed – that we sit here fifty years later appreciating this lovely view that has given Peter so much pleasure over the years.

Peace.

 

From Julia:

Peter is resting comfortably with his loyal dogs nearby.

Christi is so grateful for the amazing generosity of our family and friends.  Several people have asked how to participate in the online meal train. The link is below.  Postmates gift cards are also helpful to let them order from a restaurant of their choice.

Thank you so much. They are feeling the love.

Postmates     https://postmates.com/gift        christihayes@mac.com

Meal Train.      https://mealtrain.com/k4d4gr

http://www.signature-reads.com/2017/12/10-books-help-face-mortality/